You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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