Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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