Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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