Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
my liver is dry heaving
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