have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
