I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize