i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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