Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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