its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
