Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
