HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
