i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
