the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
