You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
