i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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