Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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