Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
