thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
