what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
