Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
