I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
