I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
