i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
