my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
