So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
