I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
