Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
