There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
