I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
