We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
