Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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