There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
