dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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