Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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