My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
