I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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