hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
