He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
