awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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