Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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