No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
