like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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