You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
