Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
