So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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