I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
nutella sex= disaster
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
