I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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