i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I believe in your delicious
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
