i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
