After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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