garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
