Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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