Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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