In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
