I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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