FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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