this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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