I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
