Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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