Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
