sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
