it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
