i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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