So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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