Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
