I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
