Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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