I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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