Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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