Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
