i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
