So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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