Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
