@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize