Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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