Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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