sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize