Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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