but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
