well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
