kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
