and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
