she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
