So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
