she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
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