one two three fourrrrnication!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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