I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
