How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
