I think my vagina is haunted
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
