Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
